Area man hospitalized by “100 cm Diet”

Salad greens sprouting

Salad greens sprouting (Photo credit: Narisa)

It seems like everyday there’s a new diet craze:  the 100-mile diet, the fast diet, the paleo diet, or even the Chinavore diet.  The 100cm diet, started by Rebecca Dunsmuir, may be the latest, but when area man, Max Maurier, ended up in intensive care, one has to wonder if it’s the greatest.

“I was praying to God for an ant to crawl by, I needed the protein”

When Maurier heard Dunsmuir’s diet consisted of living solely off  bean sprouts grown in a 100cm-squared milk carton, he started the next day.  “I’m into local, and this is about as local as you can get.”  But it wasn’t very long before Maurier’s experiment went disastrous.   Only having read the first chapter, Maurier believed you could only have one container, while Koontz advises at least two dozen.

“I was eating 200 grams of bean sprouts every three days, praying to God an ant would crawl in the container for protein.  The next thing I knew my tongue was as thick as my forearm, and I was hallucinating and lying on the bathroom floor.”

The doctors who are treating Maurier say he’s lucky to be alive after a twenty-five day stint on this diet.  When he arrived at the ER he had pneumonia, scurvy, fever, chlamydia, and botulism.   “If the soil wasn’t rich in beetles, this man would probably be dead.”

Before embarking on a new diet, Hammer in the News would like to remind you to consult your physician, and do your research.

Hamilton, the first peanut-free city?

Peanuts: The Salted Killer

peanuts pamphlet

Canada’s Peanut Plan (Gov’t Canada)

There’s something out there, and it’s after our children.   We’ve banned them from our schools, our airlines, and our public cafeterias – but still – no one is safe.    No, I’m not talking about handguns or gang colours.  I’m talking about peanuts.

The discussion of a completely, peanut-free city comes after urgings from Hamilton Health Science in yesterday’s Public Health committee meeting.  “There’s at least three children in this city whose allergic reaction to peanuts are so strong, that even having products containing peanuts in their neighbourhood may trigger anaphylaxis.”

If city council accepts Hamilton Health Science’s recommendations, as of July 14th, 2013, peanuts will be barred from Hamilton, making it the first city in North America to completely ban a food item.

Fortinos: “Don’t take our nuts away!”

In a quick response to the proposal, Fortinos released a statement:  “Although allergies threaten some Hamiltonians, It’s our belief that business can just minimize the risk of exposure.  In the spirit of free business practices, we raise a petition against banning nuts of any description.”

Experts say proposal “Unrealistic”

Even the experts at the Peanut Bureau of Canada, a group that claims peanuts are a safe snack, concedes this bylaw will be a tough nut to crack.  Enforcement will be costly, and nearly impossible.  Containment, however, is well within our grasp.    Councillor Brenda Johnson said, in response, “If they can ban pork and alcohol in Mali – an entire country – we can do it one small, Canadian city….for the sake of the children!  Hamilton will be to peanuts, what Alberta is to rats.  And the world will love us for it.”

Will a peanut-free Hamilton make us a progressive, world-class city, or a city of world-class nuts?  The answer remains to be seen.  Council meets on this issue on Monday, April 29th.

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Civic Award-Winning Rub Parlour Tugs on Hamilton’s Heartstrings

Barton Street Spa

Providing Barton Street Residents with the Tempature since 1984 – photo by J. St. Jacques

“They show us what’s hot, and what’s not”

Council did not blush when they awarded the Exxotica Spa a Civic Award for “providing Hamiltonians with a simple, yet essential service: displaying the temperature.”   The “Today’s Temperature” sign has housed the same, reliable thermometer since July 2nd, 1984.  People on the street can’t imagine it any other way.

Barton Street Tempature Sign

The undoubtedly off-center signs still serve their purpose – photo: J. St. Jacques

“I’ve never been in there, believe me, but I always look at the temperature after picking up supplies at the hardware store,” says José Silva, a 59-year-old construction foreman.    “It’s been there as long as I can remember, and I think the city is doing the right thing.”

Not everyone is echoing his sentiments.   A local sub shop owner, who wishes to remain anonymous, says that place is a blight on the street.  “Their signs are off-center, and they spell “exotica” with two “x’s.”  That just doesn’t make sense.  If anyone should get an award, it’s us for “The Pugger” – Hamilton’s best lunch option.”

While citizens may be concerned with the signage, they will continue to provide Barton Street with the temperature, rain or shine.

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The Midhusbands of Mac: They’re doulas for dudes

Vasectomies Can Make Men Feel Cut Off

Male Nurse In Scrubs Stock Image 2

Dr. Wang (Photo credit: Tampa Band Photos)

When it comes to sexual health, men reflexively shrink back from female health professionals. According to a study in Psychosomatic Medicine, getting a vasectomy or genital examination can bring on acute anxiety among men.  Challenged by an embarrassing vasectomy experience, Dr. Cory Wang started the midhusband program at McMaster University.

The three-year, B.Sc. focuses on advocating for men’s issues, not just their sexual health.   Dr. Wang is firm that every male patient needs a man handler – “It can make all the difference for quality care according to our panel groups.”

Why I Choose A “Man Handler”

“If it wasn’t for my midhusband, I might never have had the courage to have a home-vasectomy.  It was so much more comfortable that my experience with getting an adult  circumcision when I converted to Judaism,” says Glover Johnson.  “I had a gorgeous young female nurse when I was circumcised, but it was just a reflex!”  It’s awkward situations like this that Dr. Wang believes a midhusband could avoid, with their first-hand knowledge of the male body.   Man handlers can also provide care long after the operation has occurred.

Post-Vasectomy Care (PVC)

“The pride and joy of the program is our post-vasectomy care,” beams Dr. Wang.  “Post-Vasectomy Depression (PVD) is overlooked by most healthcare professionals, and PVC can lead to a significant decrease in PVD.”  The program hopes to team up with Hamilton General Hospital, and relocate to a building close by on Trendy Barton St E.  “It’s been a long, hard struggle, but we’re finally standing firm, proud to be men.”

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