HEY GIRL, SHARE MY VALENTINE WITH YOUR SPECIAL SOMEONE

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5 Ways to Get Your Woman To Do ANYTHING YOU WANT!

So in love - photo by Joanna St. Jacques

“I can’t resist his charms.” – photo by Joanna St. Jacques

Use GUILT this Valentine’s Day

A lot of men think Valentine’s Day is about adventurous sex, while women tend to see it as a chance to get pregnant or receive gifts and attention.  Truth is, it can be about both, if you follow these words.   As a modern man, you can definitely use a woman’s need for attention to your advantage.  And Valentine’s Day is all about attention.  Any night when hormones are in the air is the perfect time to ‘go for the throat,’ romantically speaking.   Use Farley’s simple GUILT method to guide you through your Valentine’s date.

Anthropomorphic Valentine, circa 1950–1960

Anthropomorphic Valentine, circa 1950–1960 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  1. Give her attention –   Don’t break eye contact for the whole day.
  2. Understanding – Men, let’s face it: women can be very boring and catty.  Faking understanding is better than nothing!
  3. Interest – Sometimes just nodding your head while your texting is enough to make her melt.
  4. Listen – Women tell their family and friends things they don’t want you to hear.  Keep your ears open!  Phone calls and girl talk are a treasure mine of info!
  5. Talk more about yourself.  Women spend all day with themselves.  When they unwind, they want to hear about you!!

May you have the most romantic Valentine’s Day ever.  Don’t forget HammerInTheNews when she’s melting in your arms.

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WHAT HAPPENED THIS WEEK? WEIGHT-BASED BUS FARES, MINI CASINOS & CANNIBALS

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This week has been exhausting.  I’ve been up around the clock covering the HSR’s biggest blunder: weight-based fares and a 1990s online presence.  And the temptation to go to the Mayor’s kissing booth today was too much.  A late nude skate always tires out me and the staff.  Also – commenters on our website helpfully pointed out racism towards heavy people, and more civic problems in the ‘province’ of Hamilton.

My favourite comments:

  1. I respect the HSR for admitting their mistake

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    Weight-based fare not too popular in Hamilton

  2. This little chesnut from Peter Mercanti about the anti-casino crowd: “Who are these people? What is their background? What have they done? They get almost all the same weight as the people who really count. It shocks me.”
  3. And who can forget the negative reaction from followers of HTN when they heard about weight-based bus fares?
  • Hammergovermentfailsusagain Feb 4, 3:23 pm

    I do not ride the HSR as I drive myself…Hamilton is already a poor/hurting Provence but on top of all that lets make the disabled/weak/poor/over weight people pay for it… BOO shame on HAMILTON is this just a money grabbing scam to make up for the money lost to the BS web site they lost money on?

  • Nicole margerison Feb 4, 1:40 pm

    This is ridiculous and unethical I have been an hsr rider for years and the second I step on a bus and it

    Fat Caliper

    You have to pinch the passenger – Dr. Peever – photo by skamille

    shows my weight n tells me what I owe to ride is the day I sue the asses outta them assh***s that is completely wrong and discriminatory I am extremely offended by this :(

  • This is like putting black people on the back of the bus, just being racist to heavy people

  • This is disgusting…this is discrimination? Wtf are you thinking. I am a single mother who take her 2mon old on the bus almost everyday…are you going to make me pay for my strollera weight too? If so thats bs! Not all people are obese by choice…this is why people will and have left hamilton…because the council are a bunch of a-holes. Your drivers weigh maybe 250+ and sit on their asses and dont do nothing but we have to pay? No way. If their on the bus they should have to pay a fee. This is bullshit.

  • Tony King@Aboriginal_Guy @HammerInTheNews *Red Alert!* Don’t french kiss the mayor after he smoked one of his stogies.

FROM THE BLOG:

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HAMILTON’S WINTERFEST HOSTS SINGING CANNIBALS?

 IS A STAGE SHOW OF ‘ALIVE’ IN POOR TASTE?

Alive poster

Ethan Hawke made it work on the silver screen, but does it translate to stage?

Twenty years ago, the biographical survival drama – Alive – shocked crowds with its portrayals of cannibalism.  The scene of survivors eating the buttocks’ of their dead companions is forever embedded in minds of that generation.

The crew at Hammer Entertainment have kept their plans to host a 20th anniversary,  full musical stage production of ‘Alive,’  a secret until today.

“Affordable rehearsal space is always an issue in Hamilton,” said artistic director, Jason Dick, “and we wanted to rehearse with the full airplane.  I’ve even had our team sit in on a first-year medical student cadaver lab.  You know, to get in character.  Of course, it would’ve been disrespectful to taste one of them, so we didn’t ask.”

Critics say a preview of the stage show left a bad taste in their mouth.  “It’s not the right platform for this kind of play.  Winterfest is about snowmen, sledding, and tame theatre – not an Ozzy Osborne show,” says Larry Finch of the Bay Observer.

Cast members in the group are baffled by the lack of community support for the play.  “I don’t know what people are complaining about.  Honestly.  It’s set in Alaska, where winter reigns supreme 11 out of 12 months.  And Cannibalism on stage is easy. We saw a production of Dracula last year where they ate a baby on stage. Now that was sick.  Plus, it’s kind of a good luck show – the cast of Alive did a hell of a lot more than break a leg.”

The play runs from February 6 – February 12

Location: Grey Gardens, 28 Rebecca Street
Cost: Call 905-981-7345 for tickets
Contact: website
Read More News on the Arts:

INSIDE ANCASTER’S ARTSPRAWL: IF MY NEIGHBOUR HAS 3 , I WANT 6

Mike Parcy, January 29th, 2013.

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Just a taste of the fine art at the artsprawl – photo by eilonwyn77

One word is on the tongue of every resident in Ancaster and, for once, it isn’t ‘inheritance’.  Folks here are genuinely excited

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A fine example of homegrown art – photo by jelene

about their very own Artsprawl, and the merging of Supercrawl with the Festival of Friends at Ancaster Fairgrounds.  I took a trip out to the Meadowlands to get a read on it.

“I think it’s fantastic!” Says Michelle Sommers, a 34-year-old yoga instructor.  “Martha Stewart’s crafts were going downhill since she went to jail.  Now, our whole family gets involved.  Even our pedigree Bichon Frise is wearing a multi-coloured walking sweater, though her canine psychologist said colours aren’t good for her well being.”

My next stop was Michael’s, Ancaster’s largest craft store, where I discovered the competitive drive behind crafts.  Employee, Bonnie, tells me “People are buying the pre-made crafts like they are going out of style.  When one person buys something, another person looks at it and buys the same thing, only bigger.  We now stock balls of yarn 8 ft in diameter.”

My last stop was at Second Cup, where we spoke with John Unsworth, a 37-year-old  retired Investment Consultant who reluctantly became a fan and participant.  “I’m not really an artsy person, but how can you not get caught up in all of this?  Luckily, my personal life coach, a retired art teacher, showed me how to make origami out of my old, low performing investment portfolios.”

From street to street, Ancaster is abuzz with excitement.  Residents here are happy to share a little bit of their culture with the outside.  Hopefully Ancaster’s Artsprawl will be a draw for years to come.

Like this?  Read more:

  1. MORE ON ARSPRAWL
  2. HAMILTON’S GREAT NOVELIZER, DIED

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ARTSPRAWL: ANCASTER’S DRIVE-THRU ARTCRAWL

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Part 1 of Urban Renewal Series – background photo by Nelson Minar

Farley Hammerton.  January 23, 2013.

CODE GREY: SUBURBAN RENEWAL – PART I

Alfred E. Neuman once said, “The suburbs are where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them.”  Ancaster’s current art renaissance is no joke, however.   Artsprawl, held every third Friday of the month, features drive-thru art hosted outside people’s homes, perfect for the car-centric city.

Beautiful Unicorn

A fine example of the Unicorn Revival in Ancaster – by Chica832

“The idea is that you never leave the car,” says organizer Soren Fieberman.  “The artcrawl on James Street is not really appealing to the average person from Ancaster.  Bumping into strangers, eating grilled cheese, human interaction – if they wanted that, they’d move into an apartment on Bay Street.  At Artsprawl, you simply drive by the art, take a quick look, and your home for dinner.”

Macrame Owl

One of many macrame owls charming the walls of Ancaster – photo by Tom Gazpacho

The movement started with the so-called “Soccer Mom” demographic.  “We were bored.  We’re all highly educated at the best schools, and there’s only so much help the nanny needs with the kids.  We’re all in art classes, so it’s time to show our chops,” says proud mother of one, Sharon Winchester.

You won’t find the risky art that characterizes the artcrawl, but you will find plenty of practical folk art.  Among the top-sellers are wall hangings with “Bless this Mess” on them, or “Don’t Pee in Our Gigantic Pool, We Don’t Swim in Your Bidet.”  Lawn silhouettes, paintings of unicorns, and macrame owls fly off the lawns of the artists.

This just may be Ancaster’s chance to show Hamilton that they indeed have a soul.

See Part II of the Series – Suburbanicity:  Ancaster’s Newest Paper

Like this?  Read this:

  1. Festival of Superfriends?  Supercrawl joins Festival of Friends at Ancaster Fairgrounds
  2. Push for Dress code at Artcrawl Maddens Patrons

WEEK IN REVIEW

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State of the Hammer

It’s been a busy week for Hamilton and HammerInTheNews.  We’ve had coverage by The Spec, and nod from This is That, a new reporter, over 10,000 hits on the website, and plenty of productive twitter sessions with you, Hamilton.  Here’s the week in review.

Farley’s Favourite Comments:

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Julianne (concerning Rob Ford): “Maybe this is what Hamilton needs? Quick decisions, controversy, more football, and less heritage? That Bratina is kind of boring…..”

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Councillor Jason Farr said, “I’m not the guy you want to be asking about fashion. As long as folks are clothed.”

Wordplay of the week:  In response to “Toodle doo” – stationary store said: ” @mixedmedia154  or as we say “doodle-too”!

Tweet of the Week (About Rob Ford): @bryanyoungdotca : If we can’t have @JoseCanseco this is the next best thing! RT @HammerInTheNews ROB FORD NEXT MAYOR OF HAMILTON? http://ow.ly/gSdZr  #HamOnt

@DrDiscHamilton: ‘”Farley” @HammerInTheNews is quite a little imp! Mark at DD’

@muskoxen : @HammerInTheNews Whitehead is stronger than McHattie, but like Samson his weakness is his hair #hamont

This Week’s Posts:

A picture of Joy and slot machine

A picture of Joy

HAMILTON SPECTATOR INTERVIEWS FARLEY

DRESS CODE FOR ARTCRAWL:  THE DEBATE RAGES – SNOBS VS SLOBS

YOUR VOTING RESULTS FOR FIST FIGHT:  MCHATTIE – 71%, WHITEHEAD – 29% (72 Votes)

IVOR WYNNE CANCELLED, PLAYERS PLAY IN RUINS

COUNCILLOR FEARS TECHNOLOGY: “How do I know someone calling themselves @inthehoodhamont or @HiddenPonyMusic is really a taxpayer.”

ROB FORD NEXT MAYOR OF HAMILTON?  BACK UP PLAN AS COURT RESULTS PENDING

HAMILTON’S NOVELIZER DIES IN CAR

ACCIDENT: FARLEY INTERVIEWS HER MENTOR

The Mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, Playing with Himself

The Mayor of Canada’s Biggest City Playing with a Puppet – photo by Shaun