Team Howard, Canada’s premiere curling team, planned for a simple, three-day curling tournament in the Pyongyang, North Korea’s capital. It’s common knowledge among curlers that Kim Jong-Un, the country’s dictator, is said to be a world-class curler. Team Howard was given the royal treatment during the tournament, with personal tour guides showing them North Korea’s cultural achievements.
But the dear leader had an additional stop planned for Team Howard: Prison Camp #19.
Within hours of sweeping the country’s top curlers, the members of Team Howard were “suspected of hostile acts confirmed by their statements.” Team Howard has been offered a “generous gift from the dear leader: a spot on the North Korean Olympic curling and luge team, just in time for the Sochi Olympics,” said a North Korean spokesman.
Shortly after the conviction, the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) broadcast a video of an exhausted and careworn Glenn Howard “confessing” his crimes. “I broke the law, and I deserve to be punished. We are honoured to play on their curling and luge team. Kim has shown us every courtesy, and his hospitality is incredible. Dennis Rodman was right about one thing: Kim can drink. He can almost keep pace with us.”
Howard’s curling rival, Kevin Martin, has released his own press statement admonishing Howard: “Glenn and I go way back, but his decision to commit hostile acts just confirms his lack of professionalism. His offensive antics have landed him in prison, and he’s joined the communists, betraying Canada and the free world.”
With North Korea’s abominable human rights record, experts agree on one thing, Team Howard is treading on thin ice.