BALL’S FALLS EMPLOYEE SACKED AFTER EXPOSURE SCANDAL

“I really dropped the ball on this one”

The well trimmed bushes envelop Ball’s Falls (Photo credit: John Vetterli)

What is the first thing that comes to mind when someone mentions Ball’s Falls? Of course, it’s Jordan’s glistening jewels: Upper and Lower Ball’s Falls.

It was a very different image that shocked a team of bird watchers – the “Ball Gazers” – on Sunday afternoon. The arbourist, Hung Bae, was trimming the thick bushes around the landmark, when the Gazers noticed he was relieving himself in full view. “Things got hairy there for a minute,” Bae says, “when the gazers began to point and fuss. I didn’t think people would care that much about peeing outdoors. I really dropped the ball on this one.”

Testy gardener was half in the bag

Mayor shows council what he saw that day – photo by Joanna St.Jacques

Mayor Bob Bratina, an avid gazer and witness to the event, explains to council that “we’ve all got itches to scratch, but alcohol was definitely a factor. The guy was testy and half in the bag. I came to Ball’s Falls to see a nuthatch, not …well, you know.”

Bae admits to drinking on the job, and says this wasn’t the first time he’s taken advantage of relaxed city rules. “I’m not proud, but a lot of us here hit the sack pretty early, clocking out at midday. I’m just going to take the blow because that’s the way the ball bounces, doesn’t it?”

Ball’s Falls Won’t Take it on the Chin

The site administrator, Rob Winterger, worries Bae’s example will make Ball’s Falls a sore spot, instead of a pleasure area. “In a nutshell, we don’t want one slime ball holding us down. You can’t go cracking a nut with a sledgehammer, but it’s important that we terminate his position for our spotless image. We do this regretfully, and wish him the best.”

Bae faces a tough road ahead, but he’s planning on picking up where he left off, trimming bushes and bouncing back as soon as possible.