RODENT DRUG ADDICTS PLAGUE EAST HAMILTON: ‘DON’T FEED THE CRACCOONS’,

Go ahead; make my day

TAKE FARLEY TO WORK WEEK, PART III:  Animal Control

Today, Farley goes on an adventure with Animal Control’s Drug Unit.

I was expecting a day of helping cats out of trees, and mending sparrow wings, when I joined Fred and Tito Graham – twin Animal Control Officers – for the day.  But that was until I met my first ‘Craccoon.’

In a recent documentary by Susan K. Fleming, she found that raccoons in the city were living longer, becoming more intelligent, and contracting the diseases of the wealthy:  diabetes and heart disease.  They are also picking up our taste for recreational drugs.

Raccoons Usually Start with Marijuana

“I think it started when they took over a marijuana grow op.  Pot is often a gateway drug for the raccoons.  The next thing you know, they’ve moved on to harder drugs, included meth, bath salts, and especially crack cocaine,” says Tito.

In the Beasley neighbourhood, where access to street drugs are much easier, craccoons out number their sober companions, five to one.   People are reporting increased raccoon attacks.

bert-raccoon-addicted-to-chips

“The Chips Are Down” episode: Bert develops an addiction to potato chips. A nasty foreshadow to Craccoons.

Michael Jeremiah  a nineteen-year-old construction worker, was attacked by a group of fifteen craccoons on his way home from the job site.  “You can tell they’re craccoons ’cause those little fu**ers are itchin’ theyselves, an’ they got that look in they eyes, like they hungry fo’ mo.  They ain’ nothin’ like ‘The Raccoons‘ from T.V. ”

The Graham brothers say the craccoons are becoming more organized, rallying around crack houses.  “I know this sounds crazy, but they run in front of vehicles causing crashes, and in the ensuing panic, rush into the homes looting for drugs.  When all else fails, they break into a pharmacy.  I don’t think we’re at the panic point right now, but people should start to take precautions.”

What you can do to deter Craccoons

  1. This may seem obvious, but keep your illegal drugs hidden away and locked up.
  2. Keep locks on your windows, doors, and sheds.  Keep your garbage locked in a garbage corral.
  3. Don’t leave your home after dark.  Nighttime is when raccoons are most active.
  4. Install one-way gates to allow animals to leave while preventing re-entry.
  5. More tips on the City of Hamilton website

This is my last of the ‘take Farley to work’, City Edition.  I’ve enjoyed my time with our cities’ workers, and I hope that we can now see the living, breathing people behind the scandals.

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Farley Hammerton
Editor in Chief
HammerInTheNews
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